What do you feel of this scene I wrote??

by Caro’s Lines

Question by Who?: What do you feel of this scene I wrote??
I just got an notion in my head for a story and ended up writing this scene. It does not really have a story to it but, so it may possibly not make a whole bunch of sense.
I’d like to know what you feel of it.
Is it too corny??? What can I boost?? What do you think the tattoo must be??
Thanks.
——–
“So, do you have an thought of what you want?”

I closed the last album of tattoo examples and looked at Ethan. He had never ever described to me that he was a tattoo artist. I just found out when I came in the parlor and saw him drawing a butterfly on a fourty year olds chest.

“Um… I’m not confident.” I said. “I was thinking a thing simple. Like my sign or some thing.”

He scrunched up his nose, as if what I recommended gave off a weird smell. Oddly, he nevertheless looked unbelievably cute undertaking it.

“No, that is as well above-rated.” He said. “There is practically nothing else that indicates a thing to you? One more kind of symbol? One thing basic but that no one particular else would have?”

I shrugged and shook my head. I turned my head to look at the large wall beside us, covered with more designs.

I looked back in the direction of Ethan and saw his lips gradually raise into a smile.

“What?” I asked him, raising a brow.

Nevertheless smiling, he pulled his chair closer to mine. I could not support but stare at his arms as he grasps the edges of it, his muscle tissues somewhat bulging. The tattoos traveling across his biceps only accented them even much more. The one that attracted me the most on him was the huge, stone-like angel that covered his shoulder. There was one thing written beneath it but I couldn’t recognize what it mentioned.

My chest tightened and I looked back up to his face. My heart skipped when I saw him watching me with the identical mischevious smile, his dark green eyes shining.

“I know what you should get.” He told me softly, his voice somewhat raspy.

I swallowed.

“What really should I get?” I asked as I fiddled with the hem of my shirt.

“I want it to be a surprise.” He whispered as he came even closer to me. I could virtually really feel his breath on my face.

“I never know…” I hesitated.

What if I hate what he does? It’ll be on me for the rest of my lifestyle. I indicate, I could usually get it removed, but doesn’t that price a fortune?

“Trust me.” He said in the very same seductive voice he employed earlier.

My face was burning. I don’t feel I’d be in a position to deal with having his hands on me. And then I will be left with not even one quarter of a tattoo.

“But… What if-”

“It’s nothing at all severe.” He cutt me off. “I guarantee you are going to like it.”

He was as well near. Now I could genuinely really feel his breath on my lips. I did something unsafe then. I looked up into his eyes. I only lasted a second. They have been piercing and only made my heart want to burst out of my chest even more.

It didn’t assist at all when he pulled my hands away from my shirt, lacing his fingers in mine. Fire was engulphing my mind and I couldn’t concentrate any longer.

Suddenly, his lips touched mine. They have been burning hot and I thought I was going to scream. But Ethan reassured me when he brushed his hand beneath my chin, pulling me closer to him, tightening our kiss. His arm wrapped all around my waist and I wrapped my arms about his neck. The feeling of his lips were previous sinful and I felt like we could keep like this forever. He groaned deeply just before we seperated, the two of us gasping. He looked down at me with his glazed eyes and I felt like I was going to turn into a puddle of human.

“Trust me?” He asked yet again.

I could not resist.

Greatest solution:

Reply by Lj B
Okay, first of all, Ethan is going to be fired if he goes close to kissing consumers in the middle of the shop. That or sued for sexual harassment. Or the two.

That aside, I truly liked your writing. From a technical standpoint your spelling, grammar and punctuation had been a lot more or significantly less spot on (just a couple of blunders) which produced the story really effortless to study. The first line is a excellent catch and the story flows on from there, never ever losing interest. Your principal character comes accross as a genuine man or woman with her own ‘voice’. It would be very good if you could have Ethan call her by name so that us readers know what it is.

As for what the tattoo should be . . . properly that depends on your character and how nicely Ethan knows her. Why does she want a tattoo in the very first place? What is in her past that may well make a very good tattoo and does Ethan know about it. Probably most importantly, is Ethan trustworthy when he says she’ll like it or is he just attempting to seduce her into one thing more extravagant so he gets more funds for it?

I feel you actually need to have to finish this piece. It is a fantastic commence.

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